I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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