I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
