The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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