well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
