I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize