girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
