I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
