Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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