I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
