Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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