I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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