Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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