During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
