Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
