Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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