There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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