I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
