I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
