I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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