You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
