I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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