My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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