mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize