how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
