please come you make the beer taste better
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
