So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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