there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
