You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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