you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
