Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
