Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
