so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
