I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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