so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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