"it" just moved
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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