How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
