I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
