whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Can Purell be used as lube?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
