I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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