No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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