I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
