I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
