her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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