In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
only if we run a train.
done.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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