Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
