This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
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Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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