shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
