Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
