i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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