so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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