My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
