Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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