We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
