well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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