Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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