Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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