remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
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Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
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His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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